So I know it has been a while, but I am in a bit of a hole. A metaphorical hole that I seem to unable to get out of. I’ve been seriously overwhelmed with my college work and have reached the stage where I’ve hit rock bottom and am unsure how to climb back up again.
I thought maybe writing it down would help and if any of you guys know of anything I could do, or just lend an ear, I would appreciate it greatly.
In my head I am so lost, and when my family ask in order to be able to help me, I put up barriers, I simply refuse to talk about it as I know it will make me feel even worse. I have constant words whirling round my head, mainly to do with my college work and the pressure I put on myself to succeed: ‘you’ve done that piece of homework, now revise’ ‘If you don’t succeed, they’ll be disappointed’. I just want it to stop. Rationally, nobody will be disappointed. I will have done my best.
This week I have suffered from 3 panic attacks. Each have left me feeling even more exhausted than I was after the one before. I just don’t know what to do anymore, apart from cry. That is all I seem to have achieved this week – crying rather a lot. My head is constantly spinning and if people try and talk to me I don’t really hear what it is they have to say. My friends tell me I have looked so ‘lost’ this week and quite honestly, I am.
I’ve come home today and have been told I must do no work this weekend, which is already causing me stress as I have mocks in 2 weeks time, but I must recover. I am trying to find ways to keep me preoccupied, therefore stopping me from wallowing in self pity.
If any of you have any ideas of what I could do to keep my sanity, I’d really appreciate it.
I’m sorry again that I haven’t been posting.
Keep Smiling Guys,
Crystal Clexr xxx