New Start of Life

Hey Guys,

Guess who left sixth form???? That’s right, me. If you read my second to last post, you would know that I got myself in a to a very big metaphorical hole. This resulted in me having to go to the doctor to get some help dealing with everything going on in my head.

To be perfectly honest, my last sixth form college was s*** and it is safe to say I do not have any regrets with leaving. Don’t get me wrong, I made some of the most amazing friends and I really hope I stay as good friends with them. However, the subjects, the teachers, the environment I just found toxic!

Back in October I wanted to leave. I came home from Spain and cried with both of my parents either side of me (weird because they are divorced and I’d never experienced that before). But I begged them to let me transfer back to my secondary school. Both of them convinced me to stick it out a little bit longer.

We got to March – a whole 5 months later and I felt no better…actually no I felt worse! My anxiety attacks got worse and more frequent and it was a nightmare having to go every morning. I hated it! Every minute of it. This time my parents listened to me. And my brother was on my side which was a major help. I applied to a new sixth form and within two weeks of telling my parents I needed to leave, I was offered a place at the new sixth form. Two weeks later (Friday) I left the sixth form I was at.

One of my teachers was a bit of a bitch about it telling me I was silly and she called me a skank when I said goodbye?! I mean she was joking, but I still didn’t think it was okay to say that to a student that her especially had pushed away? Two of my teachers were desperate for me to stay and of course my friends didn’t want me to go either,  but I had to. I couldn’t carry on there. I think the fact it had made me poorly was the turning point with my parents. Who knows what I would have done if I’d had to stay?

So yes, I have the next 5 months off. That’s right. My summer started yesterday and I have absolutely nothing to do! I start at my new sixth form in September and will be studying RS, Classical Civilisation and either History or Photography (I haven’t quite decided – my family want history as it’ll ‘give me more options in the future’ but photography is the only time I am really happy) so any advice on that would be greatly received?

Me and my mum are also moving house in May so this truly is a new start. Another go at life and I am actually quite excited, even if a little bit daunted, but I know it’ll be for the best.

Keep Smiling Guys,

Crystal Clexr xxx

My Weekend Off

Hey Guys,

If you’d read Friday’s post you will know I have not been allowed to do any work this weekend, to improve my mental health.

Instead of working I have spent my weekend having my legs waxed, my eyebrows waxed, my eyelashes tinted and clearing out…A lot of clearing out.

I’ll start with the leg waxing – my gosh it was painful. It actually burnt! Although, I’d definitely recommend it as now my legs are super, super smooth and I don’t have to shave any time soon! I spent the whole time laughing my way through the pain instead of crying, which I guess is a bonus as that is all I have done this week. The laughing was a good release for me, but I was so tired afterwards and I dipped considerably.

Today I haven’t felt too brilliant and wanted to go and walk and take photographs (which is my escape from the world – I’ll do a post on that soon), but it has rained and even snowed all day, resulting in me staying in. However, that has enabled me and my mum to clear out some bits as we are moving house in June. That is something I have got to look forward to.

My friends from college have been talking about all the homework set from Friday, but as I’m not allowed to do any, that has caused me some stress, but I do have a meeting with my English teacher tomorrow so I can tell her how I feel. Right now I feel no better than I did a week ago. Even after a rest and a good sleep, but hey ho I guess – life goes on.

Seeing as the weather has put me off a walk today, I think I’ll go in the morning so keep an eye out for Wednesday’s post, where I’ll talk you through my love for photography and show you some of the photographs I’ve taken.

Anyway, sorry for rambling, I just wanted to share what has happened during my weekend free of work.

Keep Smiling Guys,

Crystal Clexr xxx

PS. Follow my twitter

 

Metaphorical Hole

Hey Guys,

So I know it has been a while, but I am in a bit of a hole. A metaphorical hole that I seem to unable to get out of. I’ve been seriously overwhelmed with my college work and have reached the stage where I’ve hit rock bottom and am unsure how to climb back up again.

I thought maybe writing it down would help and if any of you guys know of anything I could do, or just lend an ear, I would appreciate it greatly.

In my head I am so lost, and when my family ask in order to be able to help me, I put up barriers, I simply refuse to talk about it as I know it will make me feel even worse. I have constant words whirling round my head, mainly to do with my college work and the pressure I put on myself to succeed: ‘you’ve done that piece of homework, now revise’ ‘If you don’t succeed, they’ll be disappointed’. I just want it to stop. Rationally, nobody will be disappointed. I will have done my best.

This week I have suffered from 3 panic attacks. Each have left me feeling even more exhausted than I was after the one before. I just don’t know  what to do anymore, apart from cry. That is all I seem to have achieved this week – crying rather a lot. My head is constantly spinning and if people try and talk to me I don’t really hear what it is they have to say. My friends tell me I have looked so ‘lost’ this week and quite honestly, I am.

I’ve come home today and have been told I must do no work this weekend, which is already causing me stress as I have mocks in 2 weeks time, but I must recover. I am trying to find ways to keep me preoccupied, therefore stopping me from wallowing in self pity.

If any of you have any ideas of what I could do to keep my sanity, I’d really appreciate it.

I’m sorry again that I haven’t been posting.

Keep Smiling Guys,

Crystal Clexr xxx

 

 

GCSE Results

Hey Guys,

I just thought I’d share with you my GCSE results. After the most awful year of being poorly and being filled with stress and anxiety I can finally say the pain was worth it, as I am over the moon with my results. I was even poorly through exams – it was a pretty awful few weeks for me, but I got through them.

I have spent the last fair few weeks worrying and stressing over the actual results and even the day before results day I was panicking about whether I’d have the re sit maths – which would’ve been my biggest nightmare. Or whether I wouldn’t make it into college, but I DID IT!!!

My results were:

French, History, English Literature and RS – A

Maths, English Language, Biology and Chemistry – B

Drama and Physics – C

I came out of some of those exams crying, some I was happy with and some I was poorly before I even went in! But I came out in the end with a set of results that I couldn’t be happier with. I thought I had failed physics after the final exam I sat, but here I am, turns out making up stuff as you go along sometimes works! But I wouldn’t recommend that at all! I have exactly what I need for next year and the fact I got an A in 2 of the subjects I’m taking – Literature and RS makes me so happy!

I hope you guys got what you wanted, I know you would’ve all tried your best and I’m proud of each and every one of you. And, if you didn’t quite get what you wanted then don’t worry, that one piece of paper with a few letters on it DOES NOT decide your future. You’re all amazing and don’t you forget that. If you want to share what you got then feel free, but if not then I completely understand!

Keep Smiling Guys,

Crystal Clexr xxx

Trip Of a Lifetime

Hey Guys,

In my Homemade Lemonade  post – I promised I’d do a post about my holiday of a lifetime to the USA! The trip that took over my life for a couple of weeks and stopped me being able to do posts, but I’m back now!

We flew from Manchester out to Los Angeles and the journey took 10 hours, which felt like forever. As soon as we arrived I was unwell (anxiety is a bitch hey) but the positive to that tale is it got us through customs as lot faster than we expected and a lot faster than everybody else. Is that a perk of hating crowded places and travelling?

After we had one night in LA we started our trek up to San Fransisco – my gosh that took a long time. Although, it was so very worth it! San Fran is such a beautiful city, and although it was cold while we were there it meant we could explore without being crippled by the heat. We had a tour of Alcatraz which was a prison from 1933 to 1963. The conditions in this place were absolutely awful! I honestly couldn’t imagine anything worse.

After shopping, site seeing and taking many photographs, it was time to travel East into the Yosemite National Park, where we stayed in a stunning town called Mammoth Lakes. Surrounded by mountains, trees and peace away from the city. I loved it. Definitely the highlight of my two weeks away.

From there, we headed back to LA for our last few days were we had unbelievable heat and I ended each day a little redder than the one before. But the experience was definitely worth it. We saw the Hollywood sign, Santa Monica Beach where we cycled (this is when I got burnt the most – I have a line of tan on my back where my top rose of whilst peddling – fetching ey?)

Finally, it was time to come home and I was so excited to do so. We drove 1312 miles, walked 70 and cycled 11. I came home for a well deserved rest!

I’d definitely recommend California as a place to go if you love exploring, adventures and seeing the most astonishing scenery.

Let me know where you’ve been this Summer! Or if you’ve ever done something similar to this.

Keep Smiling Guys,

Crystal Clexr xxx

 

Homemade Lemonade

Hey Guys!!

I’m so so so sorry I haven’t written a post in what seems forever, but I’ve just been so busy with holidays and catching up with people and time has ran away with me. However, after my amazing trip to California I discovered a love for homemade lemonade and just had to make it when I got home!

California was definitely a trip of a lifetime (I will do another post all about that though as this one is simply about the deliciousness that is this creation) so I hope you look forward to reading that one – Keep your eyes peeled.

So – lets get started:

Ingredients:

  • unwaxed lemons
  • 140g caster sugar
  • 1L cold water

DSC_0003.jpg

Method: 

  1. Roughy chop all 3 lemons into small chunks ready to be blended.
  2. In a food processor or blender add all of the lemons and sugar and half of the cold water.
  3. Blitz, Blitz, Blitz
  4. Pour the mixture through a sieve into a bowl in order to collect the pulp and leave you with the liquid in a bowl.
  5. Pour in the rest of the water and give it a stir with your spoon.
  6. Pour your fresh homemade lemonade into a tall glass, sit back and enjoy!
DSC_0004.jpg
Step 1
DSC_0005.jpg
Step 2
DSC_0007.jpg
Step 4
DSC_0009.jpg
Step 6

So there we have it – a refreshing, zesty, moreish creation that is wonderful for a hot summer day!

Let me know in the comments if you make this and what you think, or if you have any other recipes you’d like to share? I’d love to hear them.

Keep Smiling Guys,

Crystal Clexr xxx

 

Step in to the near future

Hey Guys,

Today was a first introduction into what the next journey of my life has to offer. I had a taster day at sixth form! It was honestly the best thing and made me feel so so grown up and happy.

I was honestly so nervous about going in today. I knew nobody and this was a completely new start and I don’t usually react very well to situations like this. I woke up this morning and I had butterflies, but I soon found out that the butterflies were totally worth it!

I made a friend straight away! I thought I’d be on my own for ages, but as soon as I got there I made a friend and turns out she was in all of my lessons for the day too! And hopefully taking the same subjects as me next year – What a complete surprise hey?!

We suddenly clicked and I got to know her and I felt so relaxed with no butterflies and I started to enjoy my day.

First lesson was sociology and oh my days this is definitely the subject for me! I was very interested and enjoyed finding out about the course and being given the chance to make David Cameron out of play-do was quite possibly the highlight of the day haha!

Religious Studies was also very interesting and as that was my favourite subject at GCSE I can’t wait to carry it on next year!

This last year has been so very difficult for me and GCSEs were so stressful, but today I actually felt happy! So happy and I have such a buzz for starting at sixth form in September.

That’s it from me today – I’m off to drink a smoothie (check out my post) and relax and look forward to trying out English Literature tomorrow!

Let me know what sort of subjects you are studying and what you enjoy to study, I’d love to hear from you!

Keep Smiling Guys,

Crystal Clexr xxx

Smoothie Time

Hey Guys,

So since finishing my exams, even though it’s only been 2 days, I am struggling to find things to do, so today I experimented making smoothies. I have decided to share with you guys the recipe and pictures of my creation.

As an energy boost and the want for a sugar rush this is definitely what you want! I think it would make a good breakfast smoothie if you fancy something lite. Or as a snack throughout the day this is ideal.

So here is what you need to make a raspberry and banana smoothie!

Ingredients: 

  • 80g frozen raspberries (what a surprise)
  • 1 banana (another great surprise)
  • 62g fat free yoghurt (I used raspberry, but you could use any you think would work)
  • 90ml unsweetened orange juice
  • 90ml milk (I used 180ml as I didn’t have any orange juice and it worked well, but I think the orange juice may have made the smoothie sweeter)

 

DSC_0001.jpg
All you Need

Method: 

I mean it’s fairly simple how to make a smoothie, but:

  1. Chop your banana and add it into a blender with the raspberries, yoghurt, milk and orange juice if you choose to use it.
  2. Blend your ingredients until smooth
  3. Pour into your glass and put the rest in the fridge to drink later on
  4. Finally, sit back with your favourite book or movie and sip away on this wonderful creation that is just filled with nutrition and beautiful flavours!
DSC_0003.jpg
Step 1
DSC_0005.jpg
Step 2
DSC_0006.jpg
Step 3

Let me know if you have any recipes, or any ideas of what you’d like me to have a go at!

Keep Smiling Guys

Crystal Clexr xxx

P.S. follow my twitter

Freedom at last

Hey Guys,

So guess who made it through all 24 of their exams and is finally free? That’s right – I did! Six weeks ago this started and I honestly thought it would never ever end. It got to half term and I still had 13 to go, but now they have all finished and I’m so relieved.

I no longer need to know how to work out the area of a triangle, how to say ‘i live in England’ in French, and most of all I no longer need to know the dates of history (Not that I really did anyway).

So this morning I did my final exam – Physics (not a highlight to end on, but at least they ended) – and I came out happier than ever, but I also felt so strange and have done all day. I feel I should be revising, making notes, watching youtube revision, but no. I no longer have to do anything like that. For the next god knows how many weeks, 10 is it? I can do absolutely nothing…until I get bored that is. And trust me it won’t be long before that happens.

I got home from my exam and decided to burn every single thing I needed or used for revision: books, past papers, revision cards. You name it, I most probably burnt it. The relief inside when I watched the last 2 years of my life turn into ashes was honestly the most amazing feeling ever.

DSC_0006 (1).jpg
Bye Bye Old Books

However, today was the day my parcel of notebooks arrived for next year and I never knew three books of lined paper could make someone so happy! But these three did:

DSC_0013.jpg
Hello New Books

Anyway, sorry for rambling but I am over the moon that my summer has officially started! And you guys will be with me as I create so many memories before starting at college in September! However, I will be starting the summer watching youtube, sleeping and netflix!

Keep Smiling Guys,

Crystal Clexr xxx